lawyer: the three-year-old definition

Two weeks into this lawyer gig and while it does seem to be going just fine, Nathaniel is a little confused as to what, precisely, constitutes a lawyer. A few days ago we were discussing the subject at breakfast.

"Daddy is a sof'gin'eer," he announced as my husband and I blearily sipped morning coffee and Nathaniel ate his yogurt.

"That's right, sweetie. Daddy is a software engineer." 

Nathaniel mulled that over as he chewed on a strawberry.

"Mama is a T.?"

Yes, my husband said, Mama is a T. Nathaniel knows my first name.

"Oh! Mama is a mama!" Nathaniel exclaimed.

My husband smiled. "Yes, Mama is a mama! Mama is also a lawyer."

Nathaniel echoed him, working the concept over. "A lawyer. Mama is a mama and Mama is a lawyer."

He seemed done so we continued to let the sweet, sweet caffeine flow into our bloodstreams. He, however, was not done reasoning.

"Mama," he asked with genuine curiosity, "lawyers don't have penises?"

Well. That's not really where I expected that conversation to go, but after choking back every single delightful lawyer joke but entirely inappropriate response that flew into my head, I gravely allowed as to how some lawyers might have penises.

Nathaniel was doubtful.  "But Mama does not have a penis. And Mama is a lawyer."

What does one say to that logic? Nothing, evidently, because at that point Nathaniel decided that the lawyer-penis conversation was far less interesting than the garbage truck that rolled by on the street outside.

                                                                                      ...

Yesterday, I was sitting on the couch while Nathaniel played with his trains. He is a train lover, to the point that a good percentage of his shirts bear train themes and he corrects my frequent misidentification of various engines. ("Dat engine is not a reg'lar steam engine, Mama. It a tank engine. It does not have a tender." Alrighty, then.)

Trains, as it so happens, frequently work out questions in their world that bear a striking resemblance to the questions Nathaniel is wrestling down in his world. I'm used to hearing about the complex social world of Thomas and his friends, but still, Nathaniel stumped me yesterday.

"Mama," he said as he ran his trains over the track, "Gordon is a mama. Does Gordon have a penis?"

Have you ever wondered about the genitalia of wooden trains before? I had not, prior to yesterday morning.

I jumped into over-explaining lawyer mode. "Well, sweetie," I began, "maybe..." 

My husband cut me off, laughing. "No," he said, "trains don't have penises. Gordon is a train. He does not have a penis."

"Oh," Nathaniel said, shrugging, "Okay. Gordon is a lawyer, then."

I see further explanation is warranted.

Comments

[CM]

Hilarious. Love the early logic skills.

[lawschoolmom]

Too funny. My three-year-old is also obsessed with trains and penises. He often feels the need, when we are in a crowded place, to announce that he has a penis but that I have a "bagina." It's very embarrassing but so darn cute, too.

[Shelley]

How awesome for Nathaniel that you have the great train museum in Old Sacramento -- I grew up going there, and once took a day trip over with my grumbling husband in tow (we lived in Reno at the time) and he fell in love, too.

You had us in tears with the lawyer-penis conversation. Too funny!

[RES]

Adorable, hilarious, brilliant.

For any of you who've suffered the BarBri lecture on ethics/professional responsibility, you will understand that Nathaniel has just coined the perfect comeback to the "A lawyer is not a bus!" line. We now know that a lawyer is, rather, a train.

RES

[C]

So cute!

You could take him to the Cable Car Museum in SF too.

[jca]

::falls over laughing, in the office::

This is the best story I have heard all day.

[Meika]

I'm just coasting around the blogosphere tonight, and had to comment on this...

My mom kept a calendar where she wrote down little things that happened during the day when we were little. One day when I was around two the calendar notes that I said, "Daddy is a 'ttorney and a froggy."

*Is* there anything better than a toddler's mind?

[Ricky Lax]

Are ALL 3-year-olds consumed by trains and penises???
This is news to me. Was I? I don't remember that phase of my life...hmmm....
I'm really liking your blog, by the way. Keep up the good work!

[Fran]

I'm just catching up on your blog; this one is too much! And if you consider that Nathaniel only just turned three,this might prove to be quite a challenging year. Good luck keeping your composure.

[Denise]

::chuckles:: Damn, but I've missed reading your blog!